The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
