Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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