I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize