Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
