What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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