and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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