last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
