you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
