ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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