everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
