come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
