She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
