i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
