I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she told me i tasted like america
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
