I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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