I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
