whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
