And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
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I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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