What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
