the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
