Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
