When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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