just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Everclear isn't food dammit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
