Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
