...so i touched it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
