Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
