Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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