We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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