hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.