She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
