Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have

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  (215): Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have http://tfl.nu/hv3g
  Replies (42) Good night (3620) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...

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  (513): why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway... http://tfl.nu/r09c
  Replies (12) Good night (810) Bad night (4256)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.

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  (712): I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled. http://tfl.nu/klod
  Replies (37) Good night (5284) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill

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  (913): Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill http://tfl.nu/swr0
  Replies (22) Good night (625) Bad night (5825)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

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  (661): so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa. http://tfl.nu/lwmw
  Replies (22) Good night (6082) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men

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  (787): He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men http://tfl.nu/yhmj
  Replies (13) Good night (2171) Bad night (3191)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride

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  (320): she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride http://tfl.nu/iegm
  Replies (4) Good night (531) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Goddamn tequila

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  (306): I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one (306): Goddamn tequila http://tfl.nu/4ri7
  Replies (5) Good night (2120) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF

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  (260): He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF http://tfl.nu/3qis
  Replies (5) Good night (1834) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.

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  (626): So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential. http://tfl.nu/3n2i
  Replies (5) Good night (2707) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".

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  (720): when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight". http://tfl.nu/l9jb
  Replies (5) Good night (522) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.

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  (912): He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it. http://tfl.nu/1cfw
  Replies (3) Good night (949) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.

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  (312): guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them. http://tfl.nu/b0nn
  Replies (4) Good night (864) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (+48): View more from Poland

  It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.

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  (+48): It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this. http://tfl.nu/tdnl
  Replies (6) Good night (440) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.

  (563): View more from Iowa

  How is that low? I love carrots.

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  (720): I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low. (563): How is that low? I love carrots. http://tfl.nu/c1zp
  Replies (0) Good night (499) Bad night (117)

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