i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.