You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
