He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
