Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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