you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
