You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
