P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize