so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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