So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
