I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
