Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
