He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
