I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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