You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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