its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
