Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
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He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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