So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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