you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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