i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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