I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
