I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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