i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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