Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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