I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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