I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize