so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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