so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
