i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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