My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Jerry, you need to find god
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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