In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
