I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
