I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
